There is a saying in the theatre that a bad final dress rehearsal insures a great opening night. I sure hope so!
When I reflect on last week, I really need to consider last Tuesday as a 'final dress rehearsal.' Due to conflicts in a multitude of schedules my first week of work, for all practical purposes, was really postponed to this week EXCEPT for one session at an area elementary school.
Thank god for the opportunity to have that 'final dress rehearsal'. It's not that the session was horrible; I honestly can't define the class as bad. Nothing went wrong, nothing "didn't work." The sinking feeling I had by the end of the class had nothing to do with the content, which was fine. The activities I selected certainly provided me a point of entry into the work and a basic, fundamental sense of the six elementary students I will be working with. And it had NOTHING to do with the students themselves...they were great!
No, my disappointment lies within myself. I was tentative; I played it safe. I was nervous. I was so worried about whether or not things would work; so concerned that the students would have a good point of entry and that the class would be "productive" that I ended up holding on too tight to the lesson. It didn't flow, it lacked spontaneity. Bottom line, I held on too tight and because I didn't truly own the lesson, all I could do was hang on to it rather than release it and share it. The result...a stiff set of activities delivered from a place of anxiety, rather than a place of passion, or play, or adventure.
I need to uncurl my fingers...to let go. I need to remind myself to enjoy the process, the pleasure, the adventure. I need to relish the risk and to be willing to teach in the moment. I need to be willing to and open to failing.
Creativity coach Julia Cameron talks about the need for all artists to be willing to be a beginner...willing to try something new in order to force ourselves, really challenge ourselves, to re-experience the joy in learning...to remember what it is like to be led by our own curiosity, our own passions, our own frustrations, in order to make discoveries!
I am a beginner again. And it feels "scarily" wonderful.
So...here's to "opening" night. I release my grip and eagerly and passionately and enthusiastically wait for the curtain to rise, open to not only the possibility of discovery, but the discovery of possibilities.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Final Dress Rehearsal
Well, it's here...the week I start my project.
I had hoped to begin today but alas, we are nothing in education and the arts if we are not flexible. It turned out that the Special Olympics program was doing an event this week and most of "my kids" are involved in that SO...I will start the majority of my work next week. So stay tuned.
MEANWHILE...I AM able to start my in-school component of the project. At 12:30 tomorrow I'll begin work with a group of students at Highland Elementary in Waterloo, Iowa.
As I sat at my desk earlier today preparing for tomorrow's lesson I experienced a wide range of emotions...excitement for sure but there was a fair share of anxiety as well. I found myself discarding idea after idea as I self-censored one thought after another. I felt some of my ideas were too easy, others too hard, some too boring and others...too what?
And maybe it wasn't the activities at all? Maybe the problem was me? Where was this tsunami of doubt come from? Pressure for the first class to be perfect? Fear of failing?
In the end, I did what I almost always do...I trusted my instincts, my ideas and my creative impulses. Using those three practices as my guide, I have created a lesson that challenges me with some new ways of doing some favorite activities; a lesson I think will be fun but serve its purpose...to help develop trust among the group, get a sense of the students I am working for and with, give the students a chance to explore movement and pantomime with an emphasis on tableau work, and the chalelnge my students to share at least one idea verbally, one idea physically, and one idea dramatically.
The lesson should give me a chance to make discoveries about my students...their strengths and needs while I focus dramatically on community building.
But a more important lesson has been learned before even stepping into the classroom. Even the most veteran of teachers never really stops being a student. The apprehension, anxiety and self-doubt I experienced today are a useful reminder of what my UNI students experience as they learn to develop and teach creative drama, and are a gentle reminder of the importance I place on this work, this project, and the youth I wish to serve.
So wish me luck...the adventure is about to begin.
I had hoped to begin today but alas, we are nothing in education and the arts if we are not flexible. It turned out that the Special Olympics program was doing an event this week and most of "my kids" are involved in that SO...I will start the majority of my work next week. So stay tuned.
MEANWHILE...I AM able to start my in-school component of the project. At 12:30 tomorrow I'll begin work with a group of students at Highland Elementary in Waterloo, Iowa.
As I sat at my desk earlier today preparing for tomorrow's lesson I experienced a wide range of emotions...excitement for sure but there was a fair share of anxiety as well. I found myself discarding idea after idea as I self-censored one thought after another. I felt some of my ideas were too easy, others too hard, some too boring and others...too what?
And maybe it wasn't the activities at all? Maybe the problem was me? Where was this tsunami of doubt come from? Pressure for the first class to be perfect? Fear of failing?
In the end, I did what I almost always do...I trusted my instincts, my ideas and my creative impulses. Using those three practices as my guide, I have created a lesson that challenges me with some new ways of doing some favorite activities; a lesson I think will be fun but serve its purpose...to help develop trust among the group, get a sense of the students I am working for and with, give the students a chance to explore movement and pantomime with an emphasis on tableau work, and the chalelnge my students to share at least one idea verbally, one idea physically, and one idea dramatically.
The lesson should give me a chance to make discoveries about my students...their strengths and needs while I focus dramatically on community building.
But a more important lesson has been learned before even stepping into the classroom. Even the most veteran of teachers never really stops being a student. The apprehension, anxiety and self-doubt I experienced today are a useful reminder of what my UNI students experience as they learn to develop and teach creative drama, and are a gentle reminder of the importance I place on this work, this project, and the youth I wish to serve.
So wish me luck...the adventure is about to begin.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Pre-Show
It's the big count down of sorts...the slow but steady movement towards the beginning of a project I have held in my head and heart for some time.
I know that my "idea" isn't entirely new or original. Lots of theatre companies and artists are doing work with you on the autism spectrum...in fact, my inspiration came from the program at the Rose Theatre in Omaha, Nebraska.
But I also knew from the moment that I began percolating on this idea that I could do something different; contribute something new; explore the topic with an expertise that perhaps others lacked.
My project will not so much focus on the youth, although they certainly are important. What I want to learn is what drama and theatre activities BEST SUPPORT which profile markers on the autism spectrum. And how can those activities be used by parents, caregivers, and teachers to create and sustain meaningful learning and creative growth among this population. And might what I learn be used with adult learners, mostly those with Asperger's who often go on to higher education.
So...step one accomplished...I have a blog. Steps 2 and beyond await me which for today will include time to percolate and read and repetitive activities (can you say clean, lift weights, mend, knit, fold laundry) that are famous for helping me release my right brain stronghold of ideas!
I know that my "idea" isn't entirely new or original. Lots of theatre companies and artists are doing work with you on the autism spectrum...in fact, my inspiration came from the program at the Rose Theatre in Omaha, Nebraska.
But I also knew from the moment that I began percolating on this idea that I could do something different; contribute something new; explore the topic with an expertise that perhaps others lacked.
My project will not so much focus on the youth, although they certainly are important. What I want to learn is what drama and theatre activities BEST SUPPORT which profile markers on the autism spectrum. And how can those activities be used by parents, caregivers, and teachers to create and sustain meaningful learning and creative growth among this population. And might what I learn be used with adult learners, mostly those with Asperger's who often go on to higher education.
So...step one accomplished...I have a blog. Steps 2 and beyond await me which for today will include time to percolate and read and repetitive activities (can you say clean, lift weights, mend, knit, fold laundry) that are famous for helping me release my right brain stronghold of ideas!
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